Choosing to be a mother, between will and possibility

If precariousness becomes an existential condition, desire chokes. Being a mother today is not just about wanting. But power. Motherhood, in individual planning, drowns in collective failures. In 2025 about 355,000 children will be born in Italia, with a fertility rate that has fallen to 1.14 children per woman, one of the lowest in Europe (ISTAT). But the point is not only demographic. It is the gap between desire and possibility. As the Coop 2025 Report shows, having a child is a minority project: only 12% of 18-44 year-olds plan to have one within a year and 59% are not interested.

More than an ideological rejection, an adaptive renunciation. Even when the desire is there, the economic variable intervenes first. In March 2026 the employment rate in Italia stands at 62.4% but the labour market remains fragile, especially for women: the employment gap with men is close to 18 percentage points. Even when working, women are more exposed to precariousness, involuntary part-time and lower wages, in a system that continues to penalise their professional continuity.

Added to this is insufficient welfare. The coverage of crèches remains below European standards and the family network is not enough: more and more young women move for study or work precisely in the years when motherhood becomes a possibility. The Svimez report 'Un Paese, due emigrazioni' (One country, two emigrations) records, between 2002 and 2024, almost 350,000 graduates under 35 who have left the Mezzogiorno, with a female quota of almost 70%.

Without daily support networks, having a child becomes more complex. Not just a choice, but an organisational issue intertwined with the housing emergency: rents have risen in large cities, with a further +3.5% in 2025 (Nomisma), and rising rates have reduced access to credit. It is not only 'structural' variables that hinder motherhood.

"Heteropessimism" is the word coined by sexuality and sociology scholar Asa Seresin to describe what characterises relationships today: "A performative disaffection towards heterosexuality, expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment or hopelessness towards the heterosexual experience", which evolves from changing gender roles. Women today are on average better educated than men and have achieved unprecedented levels of economic and personal autonomy. This translates into higher relational expectations based on reciprocity, care and recognition. Still difficult to fulfil, according to the latest Istat data, which record 6.3 million singles in Italy.