In search of empathy within ourselves (and towards others)

I see at least three urgent elements to work on:

1. Self-help individualism

2. Joyless urgency

3. Mirror polarisation

With respect to the first point, Self-Help individualism, the fact is that we are encouraged to look inward, to focus on ourselves, our uniqueness. 'You are worth, you are important, you are a unique creature' recite a lot of slogans and advertising mantras that run on the net, on TV, on radio, on social media.

Think of the number of advertisements and app names containing the word YOU, or ME.

How many do you see that contain the word US?

Not surprisingly, the self-help culture proliferates: courses, start-ups, books. To put it in the German way, self-help is a powerful zeitgeist, a spirit of our times.

Although on closer inspection, I don't think the problem is the self-help itself.

It becomes a problem if left alone: we should take care to combine self help with HELP, and perhaps reverse the order. Start by helping others, to help ourselves. A little less self-help, a little more HELP. If we all did that, who knows what could happen. It is no coincidence that one of the 'generative' questions to discover one's own personal purpose, is: "What is the most valuable thing you think you can offer other people?" Because it creates a bridge between an individualistic self and the territory of others, of altruism and otherness.

Second point: the joyless urgency, stealing an expression close to my heart from the writer Marilynne Robinson. How many of us feel that we NEVER have enough time, in life and work?

We are hyper-productive, hyper-communicative, hyper-distracted. Empathy is the sworn enemy of haste, endless urgencies, and emoji smilies used to fake emotions and rush messages.

What to (try to) do?

In a recent experiment launched by a team of psychologists, participants had to help someone (who they thought deserved their help) for at least 30 minutes.

The result surprised the researchers themselves: the time donors, after helping dispassionately, felt better. They had the impression that they had "used their time very well", they strangely perceived that they "had more available" that day. Not only that, they "felt they felt" a bit more about the other people around them.

I don't think this is a bad idea at all, in fact: who do you think deserves 30 minutes of your time, perhaps in your company, in your office, or on a call? Donate half an hour to them.

Finally, the last point: 'mirror polarisation'.

It is the effect of the famous and overused 'filter bubbles': the algorithms that on social media and search engines show us posts and sources that think like us, tending to hide/remove those who have different opinions or tastes. As a result, our opinions risk becoming polarised as we increasingly see the mirror-like thoughts of those around us. As a result, understanding and thus empathy towards the different goes down the drain.

But even here, if we want to, we can fight against mirror bubbles.

How? Here is a final triptych of advice-reflections, which are basically nothing more than applied common sense.

- F*ck the Algorithm .Esci from the algorithmic shell of what you find on message boards: actively seek out sources that think differently from you.

- Find the Divergent. Take advantage of books, films, series by authors who think differently from you.

- Break The Mirror. Get to know and hang out with people with different tastes and cultures from your own.

Good fight for empathy to all of you!

*Partner & Head of Communication Newton Group