The secrets of leadership. The art of being a leader

And in the following years I collected many more.

By now it is as if there is a radar in my head, picking up the leadership stories around.

Many of them were filmed by the viva voce of their protagonists, whom I had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know better. Characters known to the general public such as Alex Zanardi and Bebe Vio, but also lesser-known individuals who decided to commit themselves to their goals and not to let fate or others decide for them.

This is what it means to be a 'leader of oneself', a necessary condition for then becoming a leader of a group of people. By listening to and studying these stories, I was able to identify what traits are common to people who decide to become 'leaders of themselves', and which I talk about in this book, which I have imagined as a journey.

In each of the stages I reveal one of the qualities that a modern leader must possess, acquire or improve. Emotional intelligence is among those characteristics that occupy the top spots on the podium. The very formula 'emotional intelligence' seems like an oxymoron, because it juxtaposes two words that refer to spheres that we are used to considering a bit like day and night: the sphere of rationality and thought and the sphere of emotions.

This is due to the fact that we are accustomed to viewing intelligence unambiguously as that 'faculty, proper to the human mind, of understanding, thinking, making judgements and solutions on the basis of the data of experience, even if only intellectual'.

In the course of the first chapters, we will see that there are, in fact, different types of intelligence, the most important of which is emotional intelligence. To be precise, emotional intelligence is not only the ability to know and manage one's own emotions, but also the ability to recognise the emotions of others and to create positive relationships with them.

Women are full of emotional intelligence and it is no coincidence that the second chapter is dedicated to them and their natural aptitude for leadership. Leadership that today, more and more, needs to integrate two models: the male model of strength and determination, to a more feminine one of welcoming and caring for the other.

The second stage of the book addresses two fundamental issues for those who aspire to become leaders of themselves and others: the need to be able to cope with and manage change and, in addition, to learn not to procrastinate in making decisions.

A leader is a person who has learnt to face and manage change. Change is a natural and inevitable process, it is a choice, it requires an act of responsibility.

Most probably, if you have chosen to read this book, you belong to that group of people who want to be masters of their own destiny and do not resign themselves to being part of that category that Samuel Beckett speaks of in this sentence from Awaiting for Godot: 'People think that destiny is sealed, that your role in the world is already written and that you must resign yourself to it. So many stand still, don't move, accept and wait'.

A leader wants to be responsible for his own change, understands change as growth, and has decided to improve one or more aspects of his life.

A leader is then a person who is not afraid to make decisions. He knows that it is the decisions

we take to determine our own destiny.

Who we are today is nothing but the sum total of the decisions we have consciously or unconsciously made in the past and, by the same token, ten years from now we will be the mirror of the decisions we have made from now on.

The decisions we make every day, including the smallest ones, can greatly influence your life.

The difference between individuals, between those who are leaders and those who are not, lies in what they decide to do in their difficult moments. They may decide to use them as a stimulus for change, as an adventure into the unknown, as an opportunity for growth, or they may decide to immobilise and self-pity. It is precisely the moments of difficulty, where we are forced to make a decision, that can turn our existence around, but only if we are able to take advantage of them rather than suffer them. And this is independent of what happens to us.

Of course, in life sometimes events happen that are really complicated to overcome and we can have a thousand valid reasons to justify why we did not get where we wanted to be, finding all possible excuses not to do and not to achieve.

But the reality is that there are people all around us who, in spite of everything, even in the greatest difficulties, produce important results without any advantages of environment, money, background, and still manage to become an example for everyone.

In the book, I will tell the stories of many examples of extraordinary leaders who made the right decision at the most difficult time of their lives; one of those moments when it seems as if destiny has already been predetermined by an ungovernable external force; one of those moments when it would seem natural to relinquish one's power of decision.

In the third leg of our journey, I recount two other decisive characteristics of the modern leader: the ability to negotiate and to manage a team.

A leader knows how best to communicate his position and is able to get what he wants, even when his position is opposed to that of others. A leader knows that negotiations often arise from conflict, but do not necessarily have to end as a war.

By conflict I mean the manifestation of different points of view. Each person expresses his or her view based on his or her own experience, needs, goals and fears.

The leader manages the conflict and turns it into a moment of growth for both parties. On the other hand, the moment we agree to negotiate with someone is because we recognise that that person can help us in some way: he or she has the skills, knowledge, attitudes, tools or resources to help us. He or she knows that in a negotiation, the objective is not to win, but to con-win.

As you may have already guessed, the hyphen in convince emphasises the dual meaning of the term: winning together (con-vincere), bringing the other to your side (convincere).

A leader is also someone who knows how to create an environment of growth around him/herself, managing a group of people in the best possible way. It is no coincidence that the ability to be a team player is one of the most sought-after skills in job advertisements at all levels; and the ability to lead, as well as build, a team is decisive when choosing people to be given managerial positions in a company.

"Not finance. Nor strategy. Nor technology. It is teamwork that is the key competitive advantage'.

With this statement opens The War in the Team, the worldwide best seller written by American consultant and speaker Patrick Lencioni, considered one of the leading experts on the subject. Lencioni also points out that teamwork is the key competitive advantage because it is as powerful as it is rare.

Very true! If this were not the case, on the other hand, there would not be so many teambuilding courses in companies all over the world. As the Greek philosopher Aristotle already said, man is a 'social animal', and therefore naturally inclined to be in a group, but this does not mean that he is so naturally inclined to teamwork. And in the next few pages we will see that there is a big difference between a 'group' and a 'team'.

If, on the one hand, the group satisfies one of the basic needs of the human being, the need

of unity, on the other hand working in a team requires the ability to put oneself on the line, to step out of the comfort zone of personal mental schemes that instead satisfy another fundamental human need: that of security. The more rigid the comfort zone of its members, the more precarious is the team's level of health.

In my experience, I have worked with prestigious corporate and sports teams, and each time I have seen that a team's results are in direct proportion to its state of health.

A sick team produces only poor results, regardless of the talent and experience level of its individual elements.

This is because a team is more than just the sum of its parts, it is a complex reality in which each part must proceed harmoniously in the same direction.

What makes the difference is the way in which team members relate to each other and work together, and the type of relationship established between them depends on the level of health of the team.

Here are the most common symptoms of team sickness: members do not trust each other; a 'cold war' is preferred in order to avoid open conflict; it is not clear who is supposed to do what, i.e. what everyone's responsibilities are and, when goals are not achieved, the blame game and 'passing the buck' are triggered; but above all, there is little focus on the results of the whole team.

One of the main tasks of the leader is precisely to ensure that his or her team avoids or overcomes these dysfunctions.

Fortunately, knowing how to work in a team, how to create and manage a team, valuing its members, are skills that can be learned and developed.

In this book we will look at what are the fundamental skills to be a good team-leader.

This is important not only for those who work within an organisation, but also for those who are freelancers. Yes, because even those who are freelancers will be more successful the more they can team up and be the ideal ally in the business story of their clients or other potential business partners.

'Great goals are never achieved alone'. This was said by a great champion who wrote some of the most beautiful pages of Italian sporting history: Pietro Mennea.

Yet possessing all the characteristics I have revealed so far may not be enough today, in a world dominated by the Internet and social media. Not a few leaders - managers, entrepreneurs, professionals at the top of their fields of work - find themselves wary of digital dynamics. Many fear losing control of the resources and people they lead, of not being up to the task of using social networks effectively. Generational fears? Fear of opening up to dialogue?

Yet a leader of the third millennium today cannot call himself such without possessing the skills to write a Facebook post, or to use LinkedIn or Twitter strategically and consciously. Or ignoring the power of storytelling via Blog or Instagram.

Leadership, your ability to influence people, necessarily passes along the optical fibre of the web.

It is not just a question of generations. We know that young people, the digital natives, have an edge over the new technologies. Many of them were born after the advent of the Internet and therefore cannot even imagine what life without likes and pictures to post means. Many others who will read this book, on the other hand, have experienced real life when, to send a message to someone or share a work document, it was still necessary to use pen and paper (!), pick up the phone or, better still, physically go to a meeting to project de visu those slides that everyone now calls slides.

Therefore, the last part of this book's journey is dedicated to the web, how to become an online leader and how to use one's aptitudes strategically to promote oneself on the Net.

That said, all that remains is to wish you a safe journey, in the certainty that you will be able to treasure the many techniques and inspirational stories you will find along the way.

PERSONAL LEADERSHIP IS THE BASIS OF LEADERSHIP: HOW CAN YOU BE A LEADER OF OTHERS IF YOU ARE NOT A LEADER OF YOURSELF?

1. IDENTIKIT OF A LEADER

What does being a leader mean to you? You were probably expecting a slightly different start. Maybe a little softer. Not a point-blank question.

We started out this way because we would like this book to be not just a pleasant and interesting read but a practical manual that can help you make a change, perhaps a small but significant one, capable of producing concrete and tangible results. And also because questions are among the most powerful tools we know and use in our coaching. Questions capture and guide people's attention, make them protagonists and increasingly responsible for their own growth, because they prompt answers.

Take note: the word 'responsible' refers precisely to the idea of a person skilled in providing answers.

And after all, this also has to do with leadership. But we will talk more about that in the next few pages. Now we leave you some space to answer the question: what does being a leader mean to you?

IMAGE OF A LEADER

A person is a true leader only if he or she guides himself or herself towards the kind of life he or she desires.

Try sketching the image of 'a' leader and then that of 'a' leader. Write down what comes to mind.

Also adjectives, situations, images, memories. Try to be as honest as possible, and even if you have already read books on the subject, do not look for the 'right' answer, but your own.

Done?

Now re-read what you wrote and answer these other questions.

Are there more positive or negative elements in your description? What feeling does re-reading what you have written give you? Are these characteristics that you think you possess at least in part and could develop, or do you think they are distant from your way of being?

Are there features that you would like or, on the contrary, try to avoid?

We have asked you all these questions to give you a chance to better clarify your beliefs about leadership.

Often, it is precisely such beliefs, in addition to those we have about ourselves, that prevent many people from being leaders.

In the common imagination, in the past a leader was idealised as a captain leading an army or a politician haranguing crowds. Today, he is increasingly seen as a rich, famous person who has everything he wants, a host of people who do his bidding...

In short, the word leader is associated with very different meanings and images: from the William Wallace-like model played by Mel Gibson in the film Braveheart, to Gordon Gekko played by Michael Douglas in Wall Street. And on the female front, they range from the model Evita Peron, played by Madonna in the feature film of the same name, to Miranda Priestley,

played by Meryl Streep, in The Devil Wears Prada.

At worst, leadership is associated with the idea of domination, command, prevarication or even manipulation. Instead, we believe that being a leader has nothing to do with popularity and success, which may, if anything, be a consequence but not essential requirements of leadership.

Nor does it have anything to do with leadership. A true leader is first and foremost a person who knows what he wants and why.

He is an individual who is clear about the purpose of his life and moves accordingly to realise his mission. One of his key leadership words is dedication. To himself first and foremost and to his dreams and goals, without ever betraying his values.

Here are the basics of leadership.

Leader comes from the English to lead, which means to lead. A person can only be a true leader, that is, he can only lead others if he leads himself towards the kind of life he desires.

LEADER OR LEADER?

The two words are often used as synonyms, but they are not. A boss directs with authority, a leader leads with authority. A boss creates a climate of terror to get the situation under control, a leader creates good relationships around him.

A leader gets angry, a leader knows how to manage his moods.

A leader shifts blame onto subordinates when things go wrong, a leader takes full responsibility for an outcome and, more generally, for his or her life.

Leadership is therefore not command, privilege. Leadership is serving. To serve oneself and others, with love. Try to think of the difference between a person trying to lead others in a direction for his own sake or because he thinks he is serving a greater good. You might assume that there is not much of one: in both cases one is fulfilling one's own goal.

Probably in some cases the end result does not change, but the level of inner strength you feel when serving yourself and others, your family, your community or even the whole of humanity is unparalleled. In the long run, it is that very feeling that will lead you to overcome life's difficulties and develop extraordinary leadership, based on love and humility.

Quite a change of perspective, don't you think?

The leader therefore does not command but serves, does not give orders but leads by example.

Have you ever come across someone who, as they say, preaches well and preaches badly? Dozens perhaps: our society is unfortunately full of them.

The question to ask is: would you follow someone like that? No, would you?

If you have children you have experienced the feeling: there is no point in telling them not to indulge in a certain behaviour if you are the first to fall for it.

All you do is get frustrated because you cannot make yourself heard: children do not learn from what we say, but from what we do.

It is not enough to say the right thing at the right time, you have to live those teachings yourself.

A true leader makes this attitude his own and brings it to every area of his life, both at work and in the family.

WERE YOU BORN OR DO YOU BECOME A LEADER?

"It's not in my character, that's just the way I am, I'm too shy (you can substitute or add other adjectives like introvert, insecure, quiet...) to be or become a leader."

Have you ever thought that? Luckily Daniela didn't think so.

His story is the clearest demonstration of the fact that leaders are not only born but also become leaders.

DANIELA'S STORY

"I was 12 years old when I was diagnosed with severe scoliosis. The medics prescribed the use of a corrective back brace. There was no alternative: I had to wear that iron and leather frame resembling an instrument of medieval torture, no way out. An iron bar passed over my chest until it reached my neck, behind which were two other barbs that crossed my back. The whole thing was fixed with screws and connected, on the pelvis, with a leather frame.

I was locked up in the corset twenty-three hours a day for three years,until I turned sixteen. I think back to that tiny blond girl,that was me, imprisoned in that metal tool, and I remember how it felt.

It was like occupying the guest room in the house of life. Gradually I closed myself off in my own world. The way in was blocked by metal bars. No one could enter and I could not leave. I had very little social life, the rare times it happened I wore a headscarf and clothes flaps. I had a petite, well-built body, but I hid it by every means. When someone noticed that that overly abundant clothing was designed to hide something, I would get a feeling horrible. They looked at me as if I were sick, different from them.

Gradually my already low self-confidence was replaced by shyness.

I spoke little, I did not speak out on any subject. I was trying to go unnoticed, that's all. I stayed in my own world, with my keys well hidden. After finishing my studies, I decided that if I found a job as a clerk, everything would work out.

Behind a desk I would have been fine, without having to be noticed. I would have been able to work with my parents. They ran a bar in a sports centre with a swimming pool. The idea of being there gave me the creeps. All those people, all those opportunities to converse and come out of my shell! I helped them on summer weekends, but I didn't like it at all.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not avoid contact with the customers at the bar.

I just couldn't do it in the office either. I had gone into it hoping that thework would be limited to preparing invoices and handling bookkeeping, but I had to get used to talking to customers and doing direct sales. It was a challenge,I felt challenged. In the winter season, when it snowed, there was no way to hide behind the desk, because you had to serve a flow of people, mostly men."

Today, Daniela is a partner and managing director of HRD Net, national director of the FLY programme, senior coach of the HRD Academy. She is also a member of the HRD Academy.

How did she manage it? A sudden injection of leadership? A fluke? Absolutely not. She acquired the necessary skills to be a leader, she put herself on the line, she stepped out of her comfort zone, she learned, even banged her face in, to believe in herself, she made decisions and took action.

In a nutshell, she did what all leaders do: she learned first and foremost to lead herself in the desired direction.

DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Those with a good level of emotional intelligence offer superior performance.

He can recognise his own areas for improvement and has a better chance of becoming a leader in his company.

As Adam Warby, CEO of Avanade, writes, "recent research conducted by the American Sociological Association shows that a 1% increase in gender diversity within a company leads to a 3% increase in turnover. Women know how to collaborate, are communicative, fast and intuitive, a useful resource for good business development'.

But if female talent is so important, why then, to date, are there still no women in CEO positions in listed companies in Italy (and they are just 3% in Europe) and only 8% of women have a senior leadership position, a percentage that rises slightly in the rest of Europe to 13%? (Source: Openpolis dossier, Gender Equality between Politics, Business and Work, March 2015).

Here is the answer.

"Never choose a woman for a position of responsibility, even if she is at the top of her abilities. Remember that, sooner or later, a woman cries'.

Luisa Pogliana, Gianna Mazzini, Giovanna Galletti, Hugging the Bear. Stories and reflections on work and feelings, Human Resistance, 2008

In this unfortunate phrase uttered by the general manager of a multinational company lies the answer to the question posed above. The same emotional component dismissed by the manager as a greater propensity for easy tears, if well managed, is indeed a fundamental element for leadership in the new millennium. This is true in every sector, even in those considered almost male fiefdoms.

Self-awareness of one's strengths and limitations, the ability to manage one's emotions and in particular stress, the ability to relate to others, are skills that are increasingly in demand in the labour market at every level: from the warehouse worker to the secretary, from the office worker to the manager.

They are part of those skills that are called soft, or even transversal, to distinguish them from those considered hard, which are more sector-specific skills, such as using a PC, managing accounting, making a marketing plan, etc.

There is now ample evidence that, for the same hard skills, those with a good level of emotional intelligence perform better than those with a low level.

Those with a good level of self-awareness, for example, are able to recognise their areas for improvement and therefore have a better chance of outperforming.

In his latest book entitled Focus, Daniel Goleman reports on the findings of an analysis conducted by a group of British researchers on 118 professional traders and 10 senior executives of four investment banks in the City of London. Well, according to this research, the most successful traders were neither those who relied entirely on analytics nor those who relied solely on their gut feelings, but those who focused on a whole range of emotions that they used to judge the value of their intuition.

When they suffered losses they recognised their anxiety, became more cautious and took fewer risks. Less successful traders (whose income was less than £100,000), on the other hand, tended to ignore their anxiety and went on with their intuitive feelings.

The ability to manage one's emotions is also of paramount importance in a market where everything changes at lightning speed and one works under increasing pressure. It is no coincidence that the ability to manage stress is increasingly in demand in job advertisements. Empathy and the ability to communicate effectively enable productive relationships with colleagues, superiors and customers: and, in the end, the result of our work depends essentially on this ability.

The importance of emotional intelligence increases with job level, i.e. the higher the level of leadership and responsibility. In this case, the weight of emotional intelligence reaches 85%. Emotional intelligence makes the difference between leaders with good performance and leaders with excellent performance.

Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and Leadership 2.0, stated that many managers ignore the real reason why top employees decide to quit at some point. He lists the nine main faults of managers.

9 'SINS' OF THE WORST LEADERS

These faults, as can be seen in the box opposite, all denote a low level of emotional intelligence.

Today's leader can no longer hide behind a desk, but must be able to put his or her emotions on the line and, consequently, risk exposing himself or herself, to show others as he or she authentically is.

Self-Awareness and Self-Possession.

The leader who knows how to listen to the voice of his heart is not afraid to make risky or unpopular decisions, because he knows that in the long run they are the best choices.

The leader, before leading others, leads himself. He knows what kind of person he wants to be and every day he tries to become more and more like his ideal.

He pursues his goals, listening to what his inner voice suggests.

Before making decisions he informs himself, perhaps listens to the opinion of others, but does not let others decide for him. He takes full responsibility for his decisions, which he makes by aligning his mind, heart and gut.

The mind suggests what is reasonable to do, to keep one's feet on the ground and to choose the path that, based on statistical calculations, is most likely to succeed. Over-analytical leaders always decide as if they had the handbrake on.

And in the end they only make half-decisions that keep them safe.

When we only make choices based on our rationality, we automatically make decisions conditioned by our own fears and limiting beliefs, by what we believe we should or should not do, can or cannot do.

Then there are the 'visceral' leaders, those who make decisions from the gut. These are the most dangerous because they are often at the mercy of their own emotions.

They can instil great enthusiasm and passion, but they can also create a real climate of terror. Visceral leaders are usually the ones who let the best talent slip through their fingers.

Finally, there is the leader who listens to the voice of the heart.

With the heart we symbolically represent the most complete, deepest, purest, spiritual part of us, the part of us that 'knows', that knows the answers.

It is only when mind, heart and bowels are aligned and pushing in the same direction that we become truly unstoppable.

When we really want to achieve something, believe it is possible, and know within ourselves that this is the right choice, then we are really able to make the best use of all our resources and no result is precluded.

Think of all the greats in history who changed the world.

Think of people like Christopher Columbus, Thomas Edison, Steve Jobs. They pursued seemingly unreasonable ventures.

But if they had not listened to their hearts, Columbus would never have discovered America, Edison would never have invented the light bulb and Jobs would not have created the magic of Apple. Certainly there was a fear of failure in them, and the calculus of probability was completely against them, but they still considered reasonable what in the eyes of the world was not so sensible, because they felt within themselves that they could succeed and that was the only certainty they really needed.

The leader who knows how to listen to the voice of his heart is not afraid to make risky or unpopular decisions because he knows that in the long run they are the best choices. His confidence infects his collaborators who even go as far as to give 101% to achieve a goal that may not be immediately clear to them: all they need to do is to have real faith in the leader's power of vision.

The evolved leader is not only aware of his or her emotions, but also of his or her strengths, weaknesses and areas for improvement.

He is not afraid of being evaluated; on the contrary, he wishes to receive feedback that he integrates with his own self-perception to achieve an objective self-assessment.

This capacity for self-assessment, in which one's own judgement is integrated with that of others, on the one hand gives the leader a better chance of growth, and on the other hand increases self-confidence and the ability to act authentically and transparently.

Let me tell you a story that may sound a bit absurd, but which actually contains an important lesson.

HISTORY OF RICHARD TEMPLAR

Richard Templar is a business consultant who has built his long and articulate experience working for numerous companies in a wide variety of sectors. He has worked for a number of companies in a wide variety of sectors.

He has written several books that are considered classics in the industry and consistently record excellent sales in Europe, Asia and the United States. The passage I quote is taken from one of his best-known books entitled FareCareer, the Code for Success, containing the ten rules for rising to the top.

"What was at stake was a promotion to director. There were two possible candidates, me and Rob. On paper I had more experience, was more competent, was well liked by most of the staff and generally knew the job better. To be honest Rob was inadequate.

I was chatting with an external consultant that the company used and I asked him what he thought my chances were.

"Scarce," he replied. I was indignant. I explained how much experience and expertise I had, told him about my superior skills. "Sure," he replied, "but you don't walk like a manager." "And Rob does?""Yes, and that is fundamental."

Needless to say, he was absolutely right and it was Rob who got the 0position. So I found myself taking orders from an idiot. But an idiot who walked the right way."

Reading Templar's story, the first question that comes to mind is: but is it possible that being competent is not enough to get a promotion?

Is it possible that a simple walk can make a difference in professional growth?

Actually, it is not so much the walk that made the difference in being promoted to director, but what it expressed.

If it is true that body language is given primacy in the effectiveness of communication (55% versus 7% for verbal and 33% for para-verbal), then the way we move also affects, along with what we say and the work we actually do, the judgement that superiors make of us. Our body transmits messages to the unconscious of those who observe us.

It tells him about us, how we feel, the beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Sometimes it conveys messages contrary to those we would like to send.

But in most cases they are true messages to which we ourselves should listen more because it is our inner voice speaking.

And that is what Richard Templar began to do after meditating on the consultant's feedback.

After his colleague's promotion, Templar began to study his walk as well as that of his other colleagues and realised that each role corresponded to a certain walk.

So he started practising the 'director's walk' in secret, but soon abandoned it for the general manager's walk. Three months later, he was promoted from deputy director to general manager in one fell swoop.

It is clear that the real issue is not to have or not to have the director's walk, but to feel up to that role.

Is it possible that, while claiming to be eligible for promotion, Richard Templar did not feel intimately ready to be a director? Of course it is possible and his body betrayed his underlying insecurity.

The counsellor's observation enabled him to direct his attention simultaneously on others and on himself. By training in the 'director's walk', Templar also indirectly worked on his own beliefs at a deeper level.

He gained more and more confidence in himself and his own potential and this, more than just a walk, really allowed him to make a career.