Ode to envy (but only if it helps us improve)

The first level of envy is situational: we envy a person's situation at that moment. I experienced this myself yesterday. A dear friend is on holiday in Cuba and sent me a photo from Havana. Who wouldn't love to visit such a fascinating place?

If you feel this kind of envy, no problem, nothing to worry about. We just think blessed him/her.

The second level of envy is relative and structural.

Two questions for you, to understand what it is and how you can deal with envy, not suppress it.

The first: from zero (no envy) to ten (bile pouring out) how do you feel about knowing:

1) Tom Cruise earned $100 million for the film Top Gun, The Maverick.

2) Your colleague was promoted with a substantial salary increase.

In the first case, unless you are a professional actor, you probably thought 'What luck'. In the second case you have certainly felt a fair amount of envy. Envy is therefore not an absolute feeling but relative to your environment.

Another example: you have 2 choices.

1) You get a 5% salary increase while all your colleagues get 10%.

2) You get a 2% salary increase while all your colleagues get no increase.

Answer honestly: in most cases people do not evaluate the increase in absolute terms (5% better than 2%) but in relative terms to others. Better 2% for me and zero to others. Illogical don't you think?

What is the gift of envy? The first. It is a moment of awareness that others have succeeded (in being, in doing, in having) something to which you aspire. If you feel envy - a strong feeling since childhood - you therefore have a moment of awareness to be aware of. To be able to use this feeling to one's advantage, few succeed. Let us see how.

Another story: I was HR manager in 3 different organisations for many years. One day I don't miss is the day after the announcement of promotions. Usually dozens of people would ask me for an appointment. I already knew what it was about. About 50% would come to protest: "But how, you promoted Anna and not me?". Others - I would say 30% would come to... speak ill of Anna, the aim being to minimise the achievements of others or, worse, to damage the person's reputation. Only a few (20%), however, were asking the right question "what do I have to do - or be - to deserve promotion as Anna?". In other words, they directed their (legitimate) envy to improve themselves not to criticise or destroy. Here, then, is the second gift of envy. Use it as a spur to better oneself, knowing that a strong feeling is always a signal not to be overlooked but to be used to one's advantage.

In my professional experience, I have found that only those who ask the right question (how do I improve myself?) succeed in growing, personally and professionally. The others just feed the gossip, devoured by envy: they do not live well and it shows. The only competition is with ourselves. Ode to submission then, provided it is a source of awareness and improvement for those who want to utilise their full potential. I think it is a preferable option to gnawing one's guts out. What do you say?

* Paolo Gallo is an executive coach, author and lecturer.