Relationships are not a waste of time: they make performance possible
According to Daniel Coyle, it is only by paying genuine attention that we can create an environment capable of dealing with complexity
Key points
‘Today, organisations tend to mistakenly regard relationships as “soft stuff”, that is, something detached from performance and linked to the mere pleasure that comes after the real work. This perspective needs to be completely turned on its head. Relationships are the foundation upon which work is carried out, because where they are strong, information flows more quickly, mistakes are admitted sooner, people ask for help, they take more risks, and they share ideas that are still in their infancy and incomplete – and therefore valuable.”
Communication is not connection
Daniel Coyle, one of the best-known American observers of the dynamics that transform individual talent into collective performance and author of *Shine: The Art of Building Relationships, Joy and Meaning* – a bestseller published in Italia by Apogeo – sets this out in black and white. ‘Relationship is not the opposite of performance, but a condition that makes it possible,’ explains Coyle, a New York Times columnist and previously named by Bloomberg as Author of the Year for the best business book, who starts from the premise that, whilst we are increasingly connected thanks to technology, we are not necessarily any closer to one another.
‘The greatest confusion of our time is mistaking communication for connection. We have never communicated so much: we send messages, emails, posts and instant messages all day long, but this does not necessarily mean we feel seen or understood. Authentic relationships begin and end with attention. They arise when we stop viewing the other person as a piece of information or a problem to be solved, and start to feel a genuine curiosity about them,” says Coyle.
Are we really paying attention?
One of his arguments is that there are two modes of attention. The first is task-focused: narrow, rapid, efficient, and geared towards getting things done. The second is relational: broader, slower, and more receptive to people and the context. ‘Technology is extraordinarily effective at fostering the first mode, but the risk is that we end up living constantly in that dimension. Authentic relationships arise when we take that small step towards relational attention: when we approach others with sincere curiosity and openness. It can happen in two seconds, but it requires something that is increasingly rare: our full attention.”
All this becomes crucial when work is more complex in an era characterised by ‘predictable unpredictability’, as *The Economist* puts it. According to Coyle, when you’re operating a machine, you seek predictability and control. But most organisations today are not machines, but rather interconnected living systems. ‘They must be able to sense the context, adapt, experiment and learn. Not from the top down, but with the people on the ground who are actually doing the work. Relationships are not separate from performance. In challenging contexts, they are one of its fundamental pillars,’ says Coyle.
