Gratitude: why saying a simple ‘thank you’ can make us feel better

Gratitude, therefore, is not a panacea and certainly does not replace medical treatment. But it can be a source of strength, an attitude capable of changing the way we pay attention to what happens to us.

One reason for this could well be the way we are used to looking at our lives: the goals we have yet to achieve, the things we don’t have, and the things we’d like to change often end up taking up more space than what we already have. Gratitude calls for the opposite approach: recognising the value of what we do have.

And this recognition, according to Mencacci, is not confined to our inner world. ‘Positive emotions such as gratitude stimulate and encourage constructive thoughts and actions,’ he explains, ‘fostering greater self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and making people more sensitive to the needs of others.’

This can set off a chain reaction. Grateful people, the expert notes, ‘tend to alleviate the suffering of others’. A feeling that arises from the realisation that one has received something can therefore be transformed into a gesture directed towards someone else.

“This gives rise to virtuous circles characterised by reciprocity and mutual influence, leading to more altruistic and constructive attitudes and positive social relationships,” says Mencacci.

There is, however, a misunderstanding to avoid: gratitude does not necessarily mean passively accepting what we do not like or ceasing to wish for something different. One can be grateful for what one has and, at the same time, want to change what isn’t working. Indeed, it is precisely the awareness of the value of the people and things that are part of our lives that can become a foundation upon which to build change. For Mencacci, at a time in history marked by the ‘catastrophic spread of indifference, self-alienation and social dissociation’, it becomes particularly important to ‘foster and cultivate a sense of gratitude as an essential contribution to creating stronger and more cohesive communities’.

Gratitude, therefore, not as resignation but as recognition. Not as an invitation to be content, but as the ability not to lose sight of what is valuable whilst continuing to hope, plan and change. And here, too, the connection with others comes into play: recognising what we receive can make us more mindful of what we can give.

Like all habits, the way we view our lives can also be practised. Especially in difficult times, when it seems more natural to focus on what is going wrong, trying to recognise the positive aspects can become a form of training.

Mencacci warns, however, against turning gratitude into a magic formula. ‘Although gratitude is not a “panacea” per se,’ he says, ‘it can contribute significantly to health and well-being’ and also represent ‘a key factor in living longer’. Contrasting with gratitude are feelings such as ‘envy, resentment, a sense of entitlement, anger and regret’, which, according to the expert, have negative effects on both physical and mental health.

That is why it can be helpful to practise recognising the good things in one’s life on a daily basis. ‘Focusing on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative ones,’ explains Mencacci, ‘helps to foster an attitude that reduces loneliness and isolation.’ And that’s not all. ‘Being grateful amplifies the good in others and, in the same way, amplifies the good we see in ourselves.’

That is why, according to Mencacci, learning to feel grateful could become a daily practice, almost a form of self-care: ‘Practising, training and learning to feel grateful could be regarded as acts of “personal hygiene” and also as something to be taught to people of all ages’.