Life lessons from 200 Executives: the secrets of success beyond power and money

I am lucky enough to do a job I love: I started my job as an Executive Coach exactly 12 years ago: what have I learnt in working as an Executive Coach - for at least a year - with 200 Executives? Let me introduce you to some of them, sharing true stories; I have only changed their names for obvious reasons of confidentiality. Average age 52 years, 80% Executive level, of which 35 Ceo's, 18 different nationalities, they come from diverse sectors such as finance, technology, luxury, automotive, media, international organisations, NGO's, pharmaceuticals, real estate, tourism, 60% men, 40% women, salaries from 200K up to 4 million, most responsible for functions, businesses, services and products of international scale. In re-reading their names, I asked myself: what do successful Executives have in common? Mind you, my definition of success is not about power, organisational position, their visibility, or their remuneration package, but rather the balance, wisdom, harmony of their lives, how they have developed as people, humanly, their happiness and health, physical and mental, empathy, integrity. So I prefer to call them and think of them as people of value, rather than people of success, the people for-good, the people we are happy when they are part of our lives. They all have certain characteristics in common: great workers - no one works less than 50-60 hours a week, very competent and knowledgeable in their function/industry, definitely intelligent, motivated: so these are not the discriminating factors.

What then are the character traits of people of Value? In my experience, some 3,000 hours spent with them, there are seven easily recognisable behaviours. I am not your executive coach but let me suggest that you do a self-assessment for each of these characteristics, an exercise I hope will be useful to compliment you on what you are doing well and perhaps a reflection to pay more attention to elements you have overlooked or underestimated. Deal?

1. They take care of themselves. It seems obvious but it is not so: last week I went to visit Silvio, one of the most talented people I have ever met in my life, in hospital. Unfortunately, Silvio, with the help of a job that to call it stressful is an understatement - he has always neglected his health and his family - has started a profligate life, watered down by a lot of alcohol, smoking, sleepless nights, food gobbled down in a hurry at absurd hours, endless journeys, always on the phone. I hope - but I am not convinced - that Silvio has understood the lesson, that he has to reschedule his life or prepare his will. Exactly the opposite of Massimo, who 'cuts out' at 7pm, considers weekends sacred, dedicates at least six hours every week to exercise and does not open his smartphone on Sundays. Massimo runs a several billion euro business but looks 20 years younger than Silvio even though they are the same age.

2. Have a marriage - stable relationship. In my first job I had a colleague, later to become a friend, who was considered - rightly - a rising star in his environment. Promotions galore, Henry becomes Senior Vice President at the age of 30, earning unimaginable sums of money right away. He marries a beautiful girl he met during his master's degree at a very young age. They buy a dream house, three children arrive. It seemed like a film, an advertisement of the happy family. Then one day his wife tells him she is leaving him, he is stunned, stunned. For ten years. During this dark period, he loses clients, you can see he is no longer himself. He gets old fast. Then he meets someone else and after a few years he remarries, now he is calm again. 'I came out of the nightmare, ten years in which I didn't know where to hit my head'. Exactly the opposite of Francesco, who speaks with joy and respect for his wife. 'I never make decisions without listening to her. I trust her 100 per cent, even more than myself'.

3. They cultivate relationships based on trust. When Alessandra calls I already know what it is about: she is trying to help someone, just like Maria who 'if I can I always try to lend a hand'. They are both CEOs, they manage hundreds of people and yet they always find the time to make a phone call, to put people in touch without having a 'hidden' interest, to be helpful. Exactly the opposite of Guido who only shows up when he needs a favour, obviously by tomorrow morning. And he gets angry if you don't. This can also be seen in the way they handle the people they are responsible for. In the first case - I call them Leaders - they are people who build trust because they help people grow and make themselves available for them. A willingness to help others is also accompanied by the ability to set limits and say no when faced with absurd or unrealistic requests. Back to Guido who 'uses' people, has a purely transactional relationship of 'you only exist because I need you right now', then ignores you until the next request. His reputation I leave you to imagine.