We learn from our mistakes

Leadership and vulnerability: how to handle disappointment at work

The impact of personal emotions on work well-being

25 June 2025

5' min read

Some of you readers will undoubtedly remember this. A short while ago, news of an unusual initiative originating in the Philippines bounced across many newspapers and websites. Ricardo Dublado, CEO of the Cebu Century Plaza Hotel, decided to grant five days of paid leave to employees going through the difficulties of the end of a romantic relationship.

The news reported that, in order to benefit from this leave, it was necessary to meet these few conditions: that the leave was only taken once a year, provided that the break-up occurred with a different person each year, and that it could not be converted into money. The manager, having experienced the sadness and consequent psycho-physical discomfort of the end of his romantic relationship at first hand, recounted in an interview that he had developed a special sensitivity towards those facing 'such an emotionally complicated period'. Considering that this fact led the Philippine government to envisage a law in this regard, this could not go unnoticed.

Being in charge of organisational well-being, in those days, I proposed this unusual news story as a topic for discussion in the classroom to test, with a certain curiosity, the opinions of the people with whom I had the pleasure of working. Surprise, hilarity, disbelief, the emotions and feelings that immediately arose from the story. However, as the minutes went by, the 'summer magazine' atmosphere often gave way to deep reflections that validated the possibility of integrating this very human and personal, and therefore universal, terrain into the concept of work well-being. Where does that pain go when we enter the office or turn on the camera in Teams? How much of that suffering and disappointment lies behind the sometimes inexplicable behaviour of the people we work with who are going through such situations? And what happens to us?

The 'fragile' emotions

While it is a healthy rule of life to maintain spaces and boundaries between the personal and work spheres - Freud said that healthy people love and work, therefore, they know how to manage feeling and doing - I believe that too little consideration is given to the effort and energy we expend to maintain performance and efficiency at certain times in life. And, furthermore, I wonder how often so-called fragile emotions underlie important and organisationally watershed decisions, especially when taken by those responsible for people and business.

I tell myself that Anakin Skywalker, too, ultimately succumbs to the dark side of the force, the element that represents drama and redemption in the Star Wars saga, because of the pain of loss, because he is destroyed by his helplessness in the face of the lack, the irreversible abandonment of his love.

In an evolutionary key, we know that wounds, when healed and processed, represent moments of great growth at all levels, including in our leadership and managerial skills. First and foremost, towards ourselves. However, at a time when the words vulnerability and fragility start appearing more and more often in personal and professional development programmes in organisations, the risk of using the 'one fits all' strategy is very high. I refer, for example, to resilience, a resource that makes us recover our strength and identity in times of crisis. If being able to perform well even in difficult moments can be the result of a trained resilience to fatigue and stress, it is impossible for me not to observe that, often, throwing ourselves into doing the things we succeed in can instead represent an escape. I run away from what I feel, I just let myself be touched by it ... and away with the 'hic et nunc'. Because resilience must be shown right away, eh! It's a kind of on/off button. Result? It all comes back and so, just as often, we find ourselves facing the same crossroads, the same problems with slightly different clothes, but basically the expression of deep-rooted attitudes and ways of thinking. Being resilient, on the other hand, means going all the way, continuing to swim despite having a broken heart and knowing that you have.

The value of authenticity

Recently, in a course for young leaders on the subject of resource assessment, a manager told us 'if one of my people, even if a talent, cried in the face of harsh feedback or because of excessive stress, it would mean that he is immature, that he is not yet ready'. I said it to her and I am writing it here: but are we sure? Do tears, in these situations, in front of your manager or team really represent that? Or, could there be another reading; a reading of the changing times, that by dint of saying 'be authentic'; 'the team you work with is a place where you feel safe'; 'we try to cultivate psychological safety', people take it seriously and do it, defying orthodoxies, conditionings, limitations, especially our own?

Wanting to move away from the deep and somewhat borderline dimension of mourning and sentimental loss, but remaining in the area of 'uncomfortable' feelings, what about disappointment? (however, let us remember that between the former and the latter what changes is the intensity, perhaps, but the neuro-emotional circuits are still the same). How many times have we been disappointed at work, by a choice, by one of our performances, by a distracted snub, by an apparently unfair exclusion. Disappointment is that emotional response that arises when reality does not match expectations. It is a feeling that is as common as it is snubbed and that, instead, can have significant effects on emotional, mental and behavioural well-being.

Let us look at some of the emotional, physical and cognitive symptoms: sadness, melancholy, frustration, anger and resentment, mistrust of others and of oneself; tiredness or exhaustion, sleep disturbances, headaches or muscle tension, changes in appetite; recurring negative thoughts, difficulty in concentrating, brooding over the past or the causes of disappointment; social isolation, reluctance to try again or have new experiences, decline in motivation.

The disappointment

The aspects that most damage the collaborative and working dimension, when we are disappointed, are the loss of self-esteem and self-efficacy, the fear of relying on or opening up to someone, the avoidance of situations that could cause another disappointment, limiting personal growth. We understand, therefore, how disappointment can feed a vicious circle of unrealistic expectations and subsequent frustrations that essentially limit us as persons, as professionals, as friends and as partners at every relational level.

Can we avoid the feeling of disappointment? No, not entirely. However, we have the resources to use strategies to contain it, in ourselves and in others. We can start by reviewing our expectations, for example by asking for and accepting constructive and concrete feedback, even if it hurts; embracing emotional reality without judgement; talking to someone and making ourselves available for these dialogues; turning disappointment into learning by questioning ourselves; cultivating a healthy resilience that also lets us heal our wounds. But most of all, let us notice when uncomfortable and fragile emotions are in the room and sitting next to us; let us have the courage to be aware of our armour and if we are in a safe relationship, let us take it off. Getting back up will be easier and faster.

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